I know it's a tad early to be writing this, and who knows, maybe a whole bunch of other things will come along and make this post obsolete by the end of the year!
But for now I feel like giving a recap of what happened in 2014.
In the end of 2013 Gary, Emily, and I decided to move back to FL in the new year. They left in February and I stayed behind for a few weeks so I could go on an amazing adventure to New York City with Jessica and Candace, it was incredible.
Incredible for a few reasons, one being; it's NYC! The second one is because it's the first time I've gone somewhere "by my self". I know I had friends with me, but we planned it! The three of us. My momma didn't help me (In fact she wasn't too thrilled with it) I saved my money and I booked my flight and hotel room. I can go on adventures! NYC was more amazing then I expected it to be, I figured it would be amazing because it was my adventure, but it turns out the city is actually pretty cool, who would have thought? LOLOLOLOL. My favorite part was the subway, it is such a stretching experience, you have to be close to people, you have to be assertive but at the same time not be afraid to ask for directions, you have to be cool (minded) in case you get separated from your group (ahem, Jessica). Also, the concept of the subway was incredible, I wish we had something close by in FL that I could use! The subway stations were unique and some very beautiful! I loved and sometimes hated crossing through the different stations to switch trains, the up and down and around (Not fun when you first arrive there and have suitcases!) We went to see Aladdin on Broadway (Yes, you read me right!) The theater was beautiful! And for a homeschooler that has never even seen a highschool play, I was amazed. I might have sat there the whole time with my mouth open. We had a drink in a fancy lounge with a super expensive cover charge, we ate at some great restaurants, Candace got engaged in central park! We visited Ground Zero and the statue of liberty, went to coney island, China town, little Italy, and stayed in Brooklyn. We topped our trip off with a ride in a taxi (Because we got lost on the subway to the airport and were running late) and a night in the JFK! We missed our flight. That was not fun at the time but I do cherish those memories with my sweet friends. Yeah, I never thought I would be the type of person to love New York City but I definitely want to go back some day, if to just ride the subway :) After my trip to NYC I packed up and moved home.
Florida:
It was amazing to be home again, in some ways nothing changed. It's been amazing to be back with Katie, and to be able to spend time with my Rob and my Zoey-Boey! When I first got home all I wanted to do was stay at home and spend time with my sisters, just being sisters. But I couldn't, so
I searched for and found a job. I applied to GEICO on Emily's suggestion and was offered the job the same day as my interview. Which apparently is incredible. People apply 6 and 7 times and never get hired (And you have to wait 6 months between applications/interviews) So, I started that venture because it was offered to me.....I lasted three months. During that time I cried almost daily because I was so freaked out, I was constantly anxious, I had a weird rash on my arms and legs that was itching like crazy only to realize later that it was from stress. My biggest stressor was having to spend time away from my family, all I wanted to do was be with Emily and Katie, to be sisters. I was counseled by so many people on what I should do and how I should handle the situation and eventually I just quit. Okay, I didn't just quit, I had a backup and I was waiting to hear back from a job interview. I applied and got hired by Starbucks which is where I am now. So far I barely have any hours and I try not to "Oh no! Why did I ever quit GEICO???" Mainly because I don't regret quitting, I just regret not saving my money. Cause I'm stupid when it comes to money. I'm much happier at Starbucks, I feel like I'm actually doing things instead of taking calls and dealing with irate lawyers, med providers, and body shops. I'm also hoping to start picking up shifts with Billy even though his store is just over an hour away >.< I'll have enough to pay my bills though!
In the midst of GEICO stuff I tried to enroll for the fall semester at PSC....I tried and tried and ultimately, after jumping through many hoops, failed. It was too expensive because I'm technically "out of state" for them (which Emily counters with, why the heck does a community college have out of state tuition?!) The adviser I dealt with the most felt so bad and encouraged me to not give up and also suggested I try applying for some scholarships in the mean time. I intend to :) I'm not done with the idea of school but in a stroke of....something, I changed my mind about what I wanted to major in! I had previously decided to go for Social work so I could eventually become an adoption specialist (Which don't get me wrong, sounds amazing) I made this choice after reading Radical by David Platt. But the more time that passed after reading I could hardly remember why I wanted to do this....and the more I thought about school the more I thought about friends and people I know that have gone on to become Doctors, Actors, Firefighters, Game designers, and so on and I just stand amazed at them, they're living life! They grew up to be what they wanted to be! And it was in one of those thoughts that I realized it's not impossible to do what you've always wanted to do, you just have to work for it. So, Lord willing, when this girl starts school in 2015 she's going for a major in Archaeology with a minor in Anthropology :) It's what I've always wanted to do! I've shared it with my parents, sisters, friends, and mentors, and all the ones who have known me since I was a child all said (No lie) "I always wondered why you didn't go to school for that, it's what you've always wanted to do!" It's encouraging, and true. I did minimal research into it when I was younger and found out that in order to be awesome you had to have a doctorate, that was about 8 years of school and clearly that would take too long, I wanted to be an archaeologist now! And if I had only stuck to my guns I would almost be done with my masters.....But now I get to start and I'm okay with that :) I'd rather start than whine at Starbucks that I'm at Starbucks and not on some astounding dig in Egypt, or off some coast finding Atlantis!
So, aside from that, I've been going to church. Which doesn't sound like a big deal but church was a chore when I was in Winston, I didn't like going. But now I'm back and God has been working and speaking in my life. I recently prayed to God that I didn't understand the point of prayer and to please make it relevant in my life. That Sunday Gary spoke about community in Sunday School and Tom spoke on prayer. They worked in perfect unison and God practically shouted at me! That following week I prayed daily for the people in my Sunday School class, I prayed for Rachel and her job, and I prayed for my Dad. He had recently told a guy that was at our house that he hadn't been to church in 5 years. Now, I knew my Dad didn't go to church but I didn't realize just how long it had been! It broke my heart. I know how important church is to me and to drive that point home is our SS series on community and how important it is. So, I prayed that God would give my Dad a burden to go to church, I prayed that God would lead him to a gospel centered church full of believers who would lift my Dad up, encourage him, and guide him. I told God a couple times that I don't expect my Dad to go to church the very next Sunday but that it would be cool if he did and I knew it was possible because God can do anything. But I didn't have my hopes up. Sunday came and Daddy didn't go to church. But I found out tonight that Dad asked Gary about his SS lesson and Gary shared with my Dad about how it's on community in the church and whatnot and he got to speak to my Dad about it! I was so blown away! Even though I didn't see the result I know my God is working in my Dad's life! I can believe that he will guide my Dad!!!!
To add to my prayers, this week I'm praying for my Mom, and for my attitude towards her. I desire to be patient, understanding, loving and sacrificial, to show my mom love in every way possible. I want to be able to truly communicate with my mom, to understand her, and to see God work in her life in the miraculous way I know he can.
And in some non-me news, Elli Jane was born July 20th! She's pretty cute, but still pretty young. Ana loves being a big sister!
There is so much more I could say but thats about it for now. 2014 has been so different, so unexpected and so full of mistakes, I just hope I can be in sync with God so I can stand.
"When you open your heart up to the love of God through Christ, that love becomes the bedrock foundation out of which you move in your human relationships" Bill Hybels, "This is a Friendship" from Groups: The Life-Giving power of community
Monday, September 15, 2014
Friday, August 23, 2013
Big Brother
I've never watched the reality show and I've never finished reading 1984 but right now I feel like I'm in the middle of both. And I'm probably over exaggerating and it's not as bad as it sounds...
Earlier this week my boss had camera's installed all over our workplace. There are a few spots without camera's but I've been told that it's only for a little while and they are working on covering those "blind spots". The leadership (which I'm a part of) has been assured that we are not being spied on (even though they've mentioned how they can pull footage up at their home) and the way they've assured us of this is by questioning our actions. They called back one of our managers to the office, when she walked in she saw herself on the screen. They asked her why she did whatever it was she did. "They just didn't understand" (Playing dumb). Before this incident, in a meeting I wasn't a part of, they questioned why I was in the office on my phone. They have yet to come to me and ask me about it, but they brought it before all the other leaders. And they keep saying they're not spying on us. I understand it's their business, they can do what they want, they have a right to make sure things are being done correctly, but I'll tell you another thing I know. It's breeding paranoia. I feel like I'm not going to be able to do anything, that they are watching me all the time and even if I do everything right they'll find something to question me about.
But, as Miss Lisa would say, this is an opportunity for me to bear spiritual fruit! So I hope that's what I do, after all, long-suffering is spiritual fruit :-)
Earlier this week my boss had camera's installed all over our workplace. There are a few spots without camera's but I've been told that it's only for a little while and they are working on covering those "blind spots". The leadership (which I'm a part of) has been assured that we are not being spied on (even though they've mentioned how they can pull footage up at their home) and the way they've assured us of this is by questioning our actions. They called back one of our managers to the office, when she walked in she saw herself on the screen. They asked her why she did whatever it was she did. "They just didn't understand" (Playing dumb). Before this incident, in a meeting I wasn't a part of, they questioned why I was in the office on my phone. They have yet to come to me and ask me about it, but they brought it before all the other leaders. And they keep saying they're not spying on us. I understand it's their business, they can do what they want, they have a right to make sure things are being done correctly, but I'll tell you another thing I know. It's breeding paranoia. I feel like I'm not going to be able to do anything, that they are watching me all the time and even if I do everything right they'll find something to question me about.
But, as Miss Lisa would say, this is an opportunity for me to bear spiritual fruit! So I hope that's what I do, after all, long-suffering is spiritual fruit :-)
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Creative gluttony
I want to be more creative, but I'm not artistically creative. I can't knit, or crochet, or sew, or paint, or sing (you get the idea) My whole family is creative in that way! But what I really want to be is like the youtube stars I watch daily. I'm torn, part of me says that they get there because they go out in life and experience it and that's why they have things to talk about. The other part of me laughs at that because they are on a schedule and put out videos weekly! And if there is one thing blimey cow has taught me it's that making videos takes a ton of effort.
So, I was doing good there for a week or so, I was watching new videos and reading books, I had opinions and new thoughts but the problem is I don't take the time to capture these things, I just sit there and think them to myself or passionately spew them to Emily and then forget them as soon as they're outside of me. She says I need to record myself so I can remember. That's an idea. But I'm uncomfortable with talking to myself. I'm so incredibly privet even with myself! GEEZ! Relax a little Soph.
The gluttony part comes in now, I've been over dosing on youtube videos. I just sit and watch for hours. It's so great to see these people sharing themselves, giving ideas, trying to explain things, but if I'm just sitting there taking it in and not doing anything with it, what good is it? Not all youtubers create their videos to help people out (Every time I'm reminded of this though I get kind of disgusted with the stupidity of some channels) but those who do want their subscribers to go out there and do something! When I make the rare video it's because I want to share an experience with people and maybe help them avoid my mistakes or understand something they are going through. Anyhow, the overdosing has been done all in the name of exposing myself to creativity and therefore make me better. All it's done is make me sit at my computer for hours watching videos when I could be doing something awesome or at least reading something awesome!
Okay, so that's all for now.
If you're interested in some of my favorite Youtubers please take the time to check out some of these people!
Mike Falzone
Charlie McDonnell
Phil Lester
and last but not least Tessa!
I have a ton more favorites but these youtubers specifically are who I want to be like? I really like their style! Okay, the end.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Giving my heart away
I was raised in a christian home, by parents raised in christian homes. I believed in Jesus and that I belonged to him ever since I can remember. I never really questioned my salvation until I reached about 12 or 13, I started to worry that I wasn't really saved or that I would lose it....or something along those lines. One night, when I was 14, I was asked when I accepted Christ into my heart and it was then that I really actually thought about it and realized I had no clue, had I ever? Perhaps that's where my doubt was coming from. I went home that night and asked my mom and she lovingly reassured me that I had accepted Jesus into my heart when I was 2. I love my mother, I believe and trust her and in no way feel as if she was trying to brush aside my concern but that night I realized I wasn't "saved". I had lived my life to this point not knowing I didn't know. So, a few days later with my mother and my pastor's wife I wept and asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins and make me clean so I could go to heaven and no longer be terrified of going to hell.
Almost 10 years later I'm finally giving my heart to Jesus.
Please, don't misunderstand me, I'm not having a midlife salvation crisis. I just know me (a little) and I know that I have been keeping my heart from my God. I've been holding on to it except for those moments that I tried throwing it to some random guy. I wanted my heart, I wanted to give it away to someone, anyone really, who would take it. Seriously, lets just imagine for a moment me standing behind a random guy with my heart in my hands and I'm just shoving it on to him, he doesn't want it and yet here I am, determined to give it to him, thrusting my heart on him and all he wants to do is brush it off and walk away, but I'm fixated and I run after him yelling, "Wait! you forgot my heart!"
It's amazing how often I don't get it. But I'm tired of me holding it, I can't anymore. The damage is redicules and that is saying a lot considering I have never been in a relationship with a guy! How do you get your heart in a mess then? Oh, please. Just trust me on this one, you can. I have.
Am I giving up on love? And I giving up on men? Am I going "vegan" like Katie Nic Aoidh in "The decoy bride"? No, I'm just not chasing it anymore. I've waited like the church tells you, I've chased like the world tells you and all I've ended up with is a wounded heart and a warped view of myself and the whole love thing. I've heard any and every kind of advice and I'm done. I really am okay with my status. Yes, I'm lonely, yes I want to be loved like I see my sisters and my friends are, but I am loved. Even though it isn't romantic love it's all I need to get by :) If romantic love comes my way sometime I'll count it as a bonus, as for now I'm just going to be me, not love crazy (or craving). I'm going to be the me I know I am but the one I think not too many of you know.
Almost 10 years later I'm finally giving my heart to Jesus.
Please, don't misunderstand me, I'm not having a midlife salvation crisis. I just know me (a little) and I know that I have been keeping my heart from my God. I've been holding on to it except for those moments that I tried throwing it to some random guy. I wanted my heart, I wanted to give it away to someone, anyone really, who would take it. Seriously, lets just imagine for a moment me standing behind a random guy with my heart in my hands and I'm just shoving it on to him, he doesn't want it and yet here I am, determined to give it to him, thrusting my heart on him and all he wants to do is brush it off and walk away, but I'm fixated and I run after him yelling, "Wait! you forgot my heart!"
It's amazing how often I don't get it. But I'm tired of me holding it, I can't anymore. The damage is redicules and that is saying a lot considering I have never been in a relationship with a guy! How do you get your heart in a mess then? Oh, please. Just trust me on this one, you can. I have.
Am I giving up on love? And I giving up on men? Am I going "vegan" like Katie Nic Aoidh in "The decoy bride"? No, I'm just not chasing it anymore. I've waited like the church tells you, I've chased like the world tells you and all I've ended up with is a wounded heart and a warped view of myself and the whole love thing. I've heard any and every kind of advice and I'm done. I really am okay with my status. Yes, I'm lonely, yes I want to be loved like I see my sisters and my friends are, but I am loved. Even though it isn't romantic love it's all I need to get by :) If romantic love comes my way sometime I'll count it as a bonus, as for now I'm just going to be me, not love crazy (or craving). I'm going to be the me I know I am but the one I think not too many of you know.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Pwnd
Who knew it was so difficult to delete your facebook account? I started this process on Wednesday? After I was (somewhat) successful I was reminded that my pinterest is linked to my FB and I could no longer log in. So I had to go and get back on and change my settings so I log in with Twitter. Delete again, today I realized that my spotify account is also linked to FB. Smh, log back in and try to switch that account, realize I cant and make a new one. Facebook will not win! YOU DON'T OWN ME! Oops, sorry! Don't mean to sound crazy. But wait, how did you delete your account and then go back, delete it again, go back and delete it one last time?
That's because you CAN'T delete your account but only "deactivate" it. And if you choose to reactivate it all you have to do is log in. Yup, Mark doesn't want you to leave, you can no longer erase your FB, it will always be there to remind you of your embarrassing internet past. I'm disturbed about this! I should be able to delete this account if I want, to walk away and say I'm done. Instead they leave it there, allowing you to log in and pick up right where you left off. And you know what they are counting on? Not being able to walk away.
I'm walking away, I'm 2 weeks sober. It's been hard, I feel left out and I'm already filling the facebook gap with netflix. But, one small step leads to the next, I told my sister Katie last night that I know to be really sucessful at this living life thing I'd need to cut out netflix, perhaps even Instagram and Twitter. I know, I'm really nuts now. Instead of depending on Social media to interact I'd have to interact! When you think about it, this internet is just a giant black hole waiting to suck you in, no matter your personality. Shy? That's okay, you don't have to ACTUALLY be around people and you can take your time on how you want to leave your first impression. Drama queen? The internet was made for you!
(All the things meme originated from this lovely and amusing blog)
Now, don't get me wrong, I love the internet and I understand how many people use it as a tool, but sites like facebook and twitter and instagram give you the power of becoming famous from your living room without really doing much. It's tempting, but what is the point of 2,000+ followers when all you're doing is making a fool of yourself/posting mind numbingly stupid things/making up facts that are in no way true? It's also produced a generation of people who believe anything! The very internet that gave us the ability to look things up for ourselves, to know the truth, turned us into a bunch of sheep that believe anything they see repinned on Pinterest!
Example:
Are these really the things you want in your obituary? Inscribed on your tombstone? Is this all we are striving for? I'm ashamed that I has allowed myself to get sucked in, instead of using it as a tool I've let it use me.
My Dad has come up to N.C. twice so far this year, the first time for Ana's birth and the second for Emily and Gary's graduation, and I've cherished and looked forward to these moments because my Dad doesn't waste his time talking nonsense, he isn't easily amused and he's not content to just sit and do nothing. Time with my Dad means time using my brain and thinking for myself. It's kind of sad for me to realize that I was looking forward to my Dad coming because I was ready to use my brain instead of continuing on auto-pilot.
People in the past did great things, they didn't rely on being spoon fed everything. If you want it, you go get it. People still do this now, but it's becoming more and more rare (soon to be Alexndria's Genesis) and even then you're hard pressed to find someone who does great things without needing their audience via social media. (Like me and this blog, lol!)
Okay, so this is the end, I'll get off my soapbox. I just want to say that I have yet to regret my decision and am looking forward to the day when I don't need instant access to the X-files to have fun :)
That's because you CAN'T delete your account but only "deactivate" it. And if you choose to reactivate it all you have to do is log in. Yup, Mark doesn't want you to leave, you can no longer erase your FB, it will always be there to remind you of your embarrassing internet past. I'm disturbed about this! I should be able to delete this account if I want, to walk away and say I'm done. Instead they leave it there, allowing you to log in and pick up right where you left off. And you know what they are counting on? Not being able to walk away.
I'm walking away, I'm 2 weeks sober. It's been hard, I feel left out and I'm already filling the facebook gap with netflix. But, one small step leads to the next, I told my sister Katie last night that I know to be really sucessful at this living life thing I'd need to cut out netflix, perhaps even Instagram and Twitter. I know, I'm really nuts now. Instead of depending on Social media to interact I'd have to interact! When you think about it, this internet is just a giant black hole waiting to suck you in, no matter your personality. Shy? That's okay, you don't have to ACTUALLY be around people and you can take your time on how you want to leave your first impression. Drama queen? The internet was made for you!
Now, don't get me wrong, I love the internet and I understand how many people use it as a tool, but sites like facebook and twitter and instagram give you the power of becoming famous from your living room without really doing much. It's tempting, but what is the point of 2,000+ followers when all you're doing is making a fool of yourself/posting mind numbingly stupid things/making up facts that are in no way true? It's also produced a generation of people who believe anything! The very internet that gave us the ability to look things up for ourselves, to know the truth, turned us into a bunch of sheep that believe anything they see repinned on Pinterest!
Example:
Are these really the things you want in your obituary? Inscribed on your tombstone? Is this all we are striving for? I'm ashamed that I has allowed myself to get sucked in, instead of using it as a tool I've let it use me.
My Dad has come up to N.C. twice so far this year, the first time for Ana's birth and the second for Emily and Gary's graduation, and I've cherished and looked forward to these moments because my Dad doesn't waste his time talking nonsense, he isn't easily amused and he's not content to just sit and do nothing. Time with my Dad means time using my brain and thinking for myself. It's kind of sad for me to realize that I was looking forward to my Dad coming because I was ready to use my brain instead of continuing on auto-pilot.
People in the past did great things, they didn't rely on being spoon fed everything. If you want it, you go get it. People still do this now, but it's becoming more and more rare (soon to be Alexndria's Genesis) and even then you're hard pressed to find someone who does great things without needing their audience via social media. (Like me and this blog, lol!)
Okay, so this is the end, I'll get off my soapbox. I just want to say that I have yet to regret my decision and am looking forward to the day when I don't need instant access to the X-files to have fun :)
Sunday, April 7, 2013
The best fake relationship I never had
I have never had an actual, romantic, relationship in my whole 22.9 years of life. I have had plenty of feelings, oh boy, that's for sure! But let me tell you about the love of my life.
I've hoped more then once that my (hopefully) future boyfriend will treat me as well as the love of my life did. There was this boy that I worked with at my first job, beautiful, charming, affectionate the whole stinking package. Seriously, probably my first love. I met him when I was 15 and I believe he was 17. But this is unimportant, let me tell you why I loved him, my fake boyfriend.
He told me he loved me, he told me he wanted to marry me, he held my hand, he gave me the most amazing hugs I've ever had in my LIFE! We were mushy gushy in front of our coworkers and didn't care. He didn't care. (I was pretty dorky at the time, homeschooled my whole life, first job, minor social interaction, giant nerdy little dweeb.) I was in love and he played along.
((Thank you, you don't know it but you made me feel beautiful and I haven't felt that in a long time.))
My "love language" is physical touch and he spoke it. Don't freak out, it was only ever hugs (while on the front line) and hand holding. But I think it's a good picture for people who might not understand that particular "LL" Just because that's how I hear love loudest doesn't mean we need to be canoodling in a bed, sometimes I just need a hand on my shoulder, a pat on the back, a hug. Which leads me to also mention that all love isn't just romantic love, sometimes we just need love. From our parents, our siblings, or random people like friends or coworkers, love is encouraging. Especially love from someone that isn't related to you. You're immediate family is most likely going to love you a lot because they know you most, your good and bad side, your selfish and sacrificial. But coworkers most of the time only see a certain aspect, and probably see you under pressure more then other people. and to love you anyways, to forgive you when you loose your temper even though they don't have to, that's cool.
Now, do I think this love between me and this guy was real? No, not on the romantic side and especially not on his side (I'm good at unrequited love!) But I like to reflect on it sometime, to remind myself when I feel hopeless, if he can pretend that well that I was his world, then it's entirely possible someone out there will feel that way for real!
Yeah, so this blog is being written at 2 A.M. by a half asleep Sophie. But it popped in my head and I thought I must write it down. I'll be 100% honest right now, I've been super discouraged lately on this whole part of my life,. Especially because I'm trying to work on a difficult friendship with this guy and every time I feel like I make progress something happens that pushes me back to start.
So I guess this is more for me then anyone else, to remind myself that there was a time that I was loved, or at least treated like it :D
Even though it was fake, I feel like I've learned a thing or two about relationships because of it. So, Thanks, Love-of-my-life!
I've hoped more then once that my (hopefully) future boyfriend will treat me as well as the love of my life did. There was this boy that I worked with at my first job, beautiful, charming, affectionate the whole stinking package. Seriously, probably my first love. I met him when I was 15 and I believe he was 17. But this is unimportant, let me tell you why I loved him, my fake boyfriend.
He told me he loved me, he told me he wanted to marry me, he held my hand, he gave me the most amazing hugs I've ever had in my LIFE! We were mushy gushy in front of our coworkers and didn't care. He didn't care. (I was pretty dorky at the time, homeschooled my whole life, first job, minor social interaction, giant nerdy little dweeb.) I was in love and he played along.
((Thank you, you don't know it but you made me feel beautiful and I haven't felt that in a long time.))
My "love language" is physical touch and he spoke it. Don't freak out, it was only ever hugs (while on the front line) and hand holding. But I think it's a good picture for people who might not understand that particular "LL" Just because that's how I hear love loudest doesn't mean we need to be canoodling in a bed, sometimes I just need a hand on my shoulder, a pat on the back, a hug. Which leads me to also mention that all love isn't just romantic love, sometimes we just need love. From our parents, our siblings, or random people like friends or coworkers, love is encouraging. Especially love from someone that isn't related to you. You're immediate family is most likely going to love you a lot because they know you most, your good and bad side, your selfish and sacrificial. But coworkers most of the time only see a certain aspect, and probably see you under pressure more then other people. and to love you anyways, to forgive you when you loose your temper even though they don't have to, that's cool.
Now, do I think this love between me and this guy was real? No, not on the romantic side and especially not on his side (I'm good at unrequited love!) But I like to reflect on it sometime, to remind myself when I feel hopeless, if he can pretend that well that I was his world, then it's entirely possible someone out there will feel that way for real!
Yeah, so this blog is being written at 2 A.M. by a half asleep Sophie. But it popped in my head and I thought I must write it down. I'll be 100% honest right now, I've been super discouraged lately on this whole part of my life,. Especially because I'm trying to work on a difficult friendship with this guy and every time I feel like I make progress something happens that pushes me back to start.
So I guess this is more for me then anyone else, to remind myself that there was a time that I was loved, or at least treated like it :D
Even though it was fake, I feel like I've learned a thing or two about relationships because of it. So, Thanks, Love-of-my-life!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Short Story #2 "This is not a love story"
This is not a love story
By Sophie C. Skiles
1/10/12
By Sophie C. Skiles
1/10/12
There once lived a boy and a girl who talked to each other.
This is not a love story.
Once upon a time, not too many years ago, there was a girl who was madly in love with a boy. She loved everything about him, the way he looked, the way he talked, his personality. Anything he liked she wanted to like so they could have it in common.
The girl was shy, she never told boys how she felt, and certainly never talked to a boy she liked. That would be obvious and the whole world would instantly know her secret. But this boy changed that. She wouldn't sit back and let the boy walk right out of her life. She had to initiate contact! So she made impersonal contact over the internet and much to her delight the boy replied. So they talked, almost every day for hours on end.
What made the girl more pathetic was her hopes of something more when the boy literally lived half way around the world. This fact didn't stop her and when he moved to her half of the world her delusion grew.
They now talked on the phone and texted. The relationship turned into a 50-50 effort, it was no longer the girls sole responsibility.
Soon the girl had to face reality, one she was fully aware of before she even made contact, and that was that the boy was head over heels for her older sister. This became obvious when their conversations continually turned to her. After a while the girl decided to do something completely selfish and for her own gain (or so she thought) She encouraged the boy to confess his feelings. This was selfish because the girl already knew her sister didn't like the boy. Perhaps after this sticky situation passed the boy would love the girl instead!
He confessed and the sister decided to give it a chance. On a visit to their Grandparents the sister and the boy went on their first date. The next day all three spend the day together. The girl was sad and in pain. That night, as the boy was leaving, the sister realized she really did know herself and didn't like the boy. Unable to let the boy go home with false hope she breaks it off right before his long trip home.
The girl is relieved for two reasons. One she is glad her sister isn't trying to force feelings she didn't have in order to make some else happy and two, she wouldn't have to suffer by having her sister date the love of the girls life.
But she is also convinced the boy will never talk to her again. She's somewhat wrong. He texted her that night, hurt and confused and she did her best to comfort him, all the while aware that this was the result of her selfish impulse. Time passed and they continued to talk, although the girl believes it's getting harder. The boy no longer starts conversations, she does. This whole time the girl never confesses her love. She just talks and hopes he'll fall too.
Soon the boy stopped talking. When the girl talked he replied in short, impersonal answers. The girl dreamed of confessing her love, she even went as far as to write him a letter, one she never sent because she wrote it in her journal.
The girl grew increasingly frustrated by his lack of response and decided she would no longer submit herself tot he feeling of rejection and would instead wait for the boy to start conversations. This never happened and she would relapse.
And she would stalk him on Facebook.
One of the last miserable episodes of this story started to unfold. The girls bestfriend and the boy started talking. They talked all the time. They confessed feelings for each other and the girl boiled in jealousy.
Soon after the above mentioned confession the boy and the bestfriend began to talk less. The boy was perhaps afraid of a relationship. He was (by his own admittance) confused by the bestfriends feelings and his own. They eventually stopped talking. The boy moved back half way across the world. He got a girlfriend and the girl was bitter and jealous. She wondered why she wasn't good enough for him all the while ignoring the fact that she never shared her feelings.
She quickly became a Facebook stalker. constantly visiting his page, looking at his smiling face with his girlfriend, seeing his friends and family comment on his happiness. The girl continued to stalk. The boy and the girlfriend broke up and the boy grew closer to a different girl.
The boy and the girl didn't talk at all.
A year and a half ago the girl made a huge decision and deleted his Facebook page. They were officially no longer friends. And he didn't even notice.
She was less tempted to stalk him. But still tempted. She discovered that she could still visit page so she would check in once in a while.
Now, every time she hears his name a little hope stirs inside of her, but it's quickly overcome by bitterness and jealousy. She says she hates him now. He used to cause her pain because she was lovesick. Now he causes her pain because she doesn't know how to grow up.
She tries, but she's still bitter and jealous.
Such a sad girl.
The boy and the girl never talk and probably never will.
This is not a love story. It's a misguided, one sided, pathetic little girl story. And it is now over.
This is not a love story.
Once upon a time, not too many years ago, there was a girl who was madly in love with a boy. She loved everything about him, the way he looked, the way he talked, his personality. Anything he liked she wanted to like so they could have it in common.
The girl was shy, she never told boys how she felt, and certainly never talked to a boy she liked. That would be obvious and the whole world would instantly know her secret. But this boy changed that. She wouldn't sit back and let the boy walk right out of her life. She had to initiate contact! So she made impersonal contact over the internet and much to her delight the boy replied. So they talked, almost every day for hours on end.
What made the girl more pathetic was her hopes of something more when the boy literally lived half way around the world. This fact didn't stop her and when he moved to her half of the world her delusion grew.
They now talked on the phone and texted. The relationship turned into a 50-50 effort, it was no longer the girls sole responsibility.
Soon the girl had to face reality, one she was fully aware of before she even made contact, and that was that the boy was head over heels for her older sister. This became obvious when their conversations continually turned to her. After a while the girl decided to do something completely selfish and for her own gain (or so she thought) She encouraged the boy to confess his feelings. This was selfish because the girl already knew her sister didn't like the boy. Perhaps after this sticky situation passed the boy would love the girl instead!
He confessed and the sister decided to give it a chance. On a visit to their Grandparents the sister and the boy went on their first date. The next day all three spend the day together. The girl was sad and in pain. That night, as the boy was leaving, the sister realized she really did know herself and didn't like the boy. Unable to let the boy go home with false hope she breaks it off right before his long trip home.
The girl is relieved for two reasons. One she is glad her sister isn't trying to force feelings she didn't have in order to make some else happy and two, she wouldn't have to suffer by having her sister date the love of the girls life.
But she is also convinced the boy will never talk to her again. She's somewhat wrong. He texted her that night, hurt and confused and she did her best to comfort him, all the while aware that this was the result of her selfish impulse. Time passed and they continued to talk, although the girl believes it's getting harder. The boy no longer starts conversations, she does. This whole time the girl never confesses her love. She just talks and hopes he'll fall too.
Soon the boy stopped talking. When the girl talked he replied in short, impersonal answers. The girl dreamed of confessing her love, she even went as far as to write him a letter, one she never sent because she wrote it in her journal.
The girl grew increasingly frustrated by his lack of response and decided she would no longer submit herself tot he feeling of rejection and would instead wait for the boy to start conversations. This never happened and she would relapse.
And she would stalk him on Facebook.
One of the last miserable episodes of this story started to unfold. The girls bestfriend and the boy started talking. They talked all the time. They confessed feelings for each other and the girl boiled in jealousy.
Soon after the above mentioned confession the boy and the bestfriend began to talk less. The boy was perhaps afraid of a relationship. He was (by his own admittance) confused by the bestfriends feelings and his own. They eventually stopped talking. The boy moved back half way across the world. He got a girlfriend and the girl was bitter and jealous. She wondered why she wasn't good enough for him all the while ignoring the fact that she never shared her feelings.
She quickly became a Facebook stalker. constantly visiting his page, looking at his smiling face with his girlfriend, seeing his friends and family comment on his happiness. The girl continued to stalk. The boy and the girlfriend broke up and the boy grew closer to a different girl.
The boy and the girl didn't talk at all.
A year and a half ago the girl made a huge decision and deleted his Facebook page. They were officially no longer friends. And he didn't even notice.
She was less tempted to stalk him. But still tempted. She discovered that she could still visit page so she would check in once in a while.
Now, every time she hears his name a little hope stirs inside of her, but it's quickly overcome by bitterness and jealousy. She says she hates him now. He used to cause her pain because she was lovesick. Now he causes her pain because she doesn't know how to grow up.
She tries, but she's still bitter and jealous.
Such a sad girl.
The boy and the girl never talk and probably never will.
This is not a love story. It's a misguided, one sided, pathetic little girl story. And it is now over.
~The End~
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