I have never had an actual, romantic, relationship in my whole 22.9 years of life. I have had plenty of feelings, oh boy, that's for sure! But let me tell you about the love of my life.
I've hoped more then once that my (hopefully) future boyfriend will treat me as well as the love of my life did. There was this boy that I worked with at my first job, beautiful, charming, affectionate the whole stinking package. Seriously, probably my first love. I met him when I was 15 and I believe he was 17. But this is unimportant, let me tell you why I loved him, my fake boyfriend.
He told me he loved me, he told me he wanted to marry me, he held my hand, he gave me the most amazing hugs I've ever had in my LIFE! We were mushy gushy in front of our coworkers and didn't care. He didn't care. (I was pretty dorky at the time, homeschooled my whole life, first job, minor social interaction, giant nerdy little dweeb.) I was in love and he played along.
((Thank you, you don't know it but you made me feel beautiful and I haven't felt that in a long time.))
My "love language" is physical touch and he spoke it. Don't freak out, it was only ever hugs (while on the front line) and hand holding. But I think it's a good picture for people who might not understand that particular "LL" Just because that's how I hear love loudest doesn't mean we need to be canoodling in a bed, sometimes I just need a hand on my shoulder, a pat on the back, a hug. Which leads me to also mention that all love isn't just romantic love, sometimes we just need love. From our parents, our siblings, or random people like friends or coworkers, love is encouraging. Especially love from someone that isn't related to you. You're immediate family is most likely going to love you a lot because they know you most, your good and bad side, your selfish and sacrificial. But coworkers most of the time only see a certain aspect, and probably see you under pressure more then other people. and to love you anyways, to forgive you when you loose your temper even though they don't have to, that's cool.
Now, do I think this love between me and this guy was real? No, not on the romantic side and especially not on his side (I'm good at unrequited love!) But I like to reflect on it sometime, to remind myself when I feel hopeless, if he can pretend that well that I was his world, then it's entirely possible someone out there will feel that way for real!
Yeah, so this blog is being written at 2 A.M. by a half asleep Sophie. But it popped in my head and I thought I must write it down. I'll be 100% honest right now, I've been super discouraged lately on this whole part of my life,. Especially because I'm trying to work on a difficult friendship with this guy and every time I feel like I make progress something happens that pushes me back to start.
So I guess this is more for me then anyone else, to remind myself that there was a time that I was loved, or at least treated like it :D
Even though it was fake, I feel like I've learned a thing or two about relationships because of it. So, Thanks, Love-of-my-life!
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